Sean Loves his Mom

This is an article I wrote 4 years ago. Never did succeed in getting it published anywhere..

February 23rd 2001 Sean Loves His Mom

There are many ways for a child to say "I love you". It is one of the payoffs of being a parent after all. Our son Sean was born deaf and blind and 'developmentally disabled' and by February 2001 he was twenty years old. Most of his schooling and the countless hours outside of school have been a constant effort to bridge the large communication gulf between us.

We have grown used to filling in the gaps or reading between the lines so to speak, trying to glean every possible nuance or meaning out of every gesture. Sometimes we seem to get it and other times we just seem to miss it completely. My wife, Nancy, and I had resigned ourselves to the fact that we probably would never get a definitive "I love you" from Sean and we would just have to take it as read.

Then something happened one night with Sean that was big and for once in my life something big happened and I recognized it for what it was.

It began when we noticed Sean had some sort of irritation in his right eye, It was red and he was blinking. Nancy thought it may be pinkeye. She took Sean to the bathroom to wash his eye out with a boric acid solution - something Sean loves when his eyes are dry or irritated. Our bathroom is small; just enough room for one person to stand comfortably in front of the sink. But Nancy had to stand right next to Sean for this eye-washing procedure. She was wedged between Sean on her right and the bathtub to her left. I stood to Sean's right, just at the edge of the doorway, in case an extra pair of hands was needed.

So there we are were, all clustered around the sink in the bathroom, Nancy putting the solution in the little eye-glass thingy, and holding it up to Sean's eye for the rinse. All was going well. At one point, Sean tried to wipe some of the solution from his cheek; Nancy tried to stop him from rubbing his eye at the same time and just then Sean lurched to his left.

He's a big lad, and when he lurched, he bumped Nancy. She was pushed against the bathtub, losing her balance. She shrieked as she fought to regain her balance. It took a second or two to regain it and she grasped the sink to steady herself once she was upright. Sean's eye rinse was all done but Nancy remained a tad shaken.

I held Sean's hand and led him out of the bathroom but he stopped in the doorway and turned back to the bathroom. Nancy was cleaning up the sink area, and wasn't paying any attention. Sean started tapping his chest looking at Nancy. Then he started moving towards her, very gently and carefully and still hitting his chest with his hand - a sign he uses for "give me" while he still looked toward Nancy. He seemed upset and he refused to leave the doorway.

Suddenly I realized what he was doing. When Sean seems upset it's usually if he thinks someone else is upset with him. But this was different. This time he was concerned about Nancy.

He wasn't upset, he was concerned.

He kept moving towards Nancy and looking at her until she moved over to him and kissed him. She actually had to give him several kisses on the cheek until he was satisfied she was OK, only then did he happily go off to his room.

So what's the big "thing"? That's the first time I have ever seen Sean express such obvious concern for how someone else was doing - he was genuinely concerned, and not upset, and wanted to know that Nancy was alright. Once he knew that she was, he was happy.

I was stunned - in Sean's 21 years we have had a lot of fun, tears, and laughter but that night Sean took a step that he has never taken before - he took a great interest and concern in how someone else was doing. Note that it's how someone was doing, not what someone was doing.

I kept waiting for Nancy to realize what had happened but she was all concern for cleaning things up, making sure Sean was comfortable and so on - the general bustling work of Sean's mom. It took me sitting her down a few minutes later and explaining to her what had just happened before she realized it.

For 21 years it has been a one way street pretty much - Nancy loving Sean and taking care of him. We have both gotten used to having to assume that Sean cared for us.

Last night it became a two way street, just for a few moments - Nancy got shown by Sean that he does love her. It may take a long time for a Mom to hear that and finally Nancy got to "hear" it from her son. Sometimes something important happens in front of a person and they don't realise the significance of what they saw. Just for once, just once, I got it right that night.

Mick Wenlock Feb. 23, 2001